mistaken identity.

this is an AIM conversation (circa 2004)

i thought i was having a typical conversation with my friend, ashley.

tolentinoed (7:52:12 PM): bring yo ass to dallas this weekend.*

tolentinoed (7:52:18 PM): so we can have sex*
ASHLEY1 (7:53:52 PM): mmmm, okay...
tolentinoed(7:54:07 PM): awesome!!!!
tolentinoed(7:54:15 PM): what are you up to?
ASHLEY1 (7:54:49 PM): I was just sending an email to my daughter......*
ASHLEY1 (7:55:02 PM): should I give her your message?
tolentinoed(7:55:30 PM): jesus christ...well isn't my face red
ASHLEY1 (7:56:19 PM): sorry...you just never know who is on the other end, do ya?
tolentinoed(7:56:31 PM): i guess not.
tolentinoed(7:56:45 PM): well i guess i'll be letting you go
tolentinoed(7:57:04 PM): sorry about the mix up
ASHLEY1 (7:57:11 PM): It's a good thing that I am a nice mom and have a sense of humor....
ASHLEY1 (7:57:17 PM): not a problem
ASHLEY1 (7:57:45 PM): I'll let my "baby girl" know that you were asking about her.....
tolentinoed(7:57:48 PM): yeah...this is kind of awkward...but this is andrew tolentino
tolentinoed(7:57:53 PM): haha
ASHLEY1 (7:58:05 PM): yeah, I know...
tolentinoed(7:58:12 PM): i went to homecoming with your daughter junior year of high school
ASHLEY1 (7:58:27 PM): I know who you are and really it is okay...
tolentinoed(7:58:49 PM): ok...i just didn't want you to think that i was a coward...or an asshole
tolentinoed (7:59:20 PM): and thanks for making this situation more funny than tragic
ASHLEY1 (7:59:43 PM): not at all...I actually get a lot of IM's for her because she leaves her screen up on my comp., but I usually close it....
ASHLEY1 (7:59:57 PM): but not tonight....he he
tolentinoed(8:00:17 PM): haha...well i'll take note of that then
tolentinoed (8:00:21 PM): take care
ASHLEY1 (8:00:26 PM): you too

i was, of course, was wrong.

let's break down a few excerpts...

• tolentinoed (7:52:12 PM): bring yo ass to dallas this weekend.*
  *The Use of "yo": when i'm feeling frisky, i occasionally speak with a blackccent.

• tolentinoed (7:52:18 PM): so we can have sex*
  *Time observation: it only took me 6 seconds to try and optimize an otherwise friendly request.
  
  
• ASHLEY1 (7:54:49 PM): I was just sending an email to my daughter......
  *The Use of Ellipsis: i should have used this as an opportunity to destroy my computer and run away.
  

Dear Ashley's Mom,

thank you for being cool and not hunting me down like a dog.

Dear Ashley,
what's your mom's screen name?

the screen names have been changed to protect privacy,
but the actual content has not been touched.